Motherhood, for me, showed me I was capable of so much more than I ever thought possible. As the primary caretaker and the one who carried the "mental load" (a term I could have used to describe my experience), I neglected myself and even my marriage for a couple of decades. Despite the fact that nothing has ever (or will ever) bring me as much joy and satisfaction as mothering, resentment built toward my spouse, revealing itself in my early 50's. But what I had to finally admit was that I also took satisfaction in this arrangement, the righteous anger, that I wanted to be in control, the parent who could claim the role of "primary."
I, too, have difficulty sitting still or “doing nothing.” My three children are young adults now, so my time is more my own, but often I feel like I am making up for “lost” time in that I gave so much to parenting. My children were very much wanted, so how do I construe that time as lost? Thanks for this.
Every time we make a choice to say yes to something, we also say no to other things. I think this is the root of that feeling--as parents, we have to say no to a lot of things to prioritize our kids, but we likely hope not to say no forever, or even to fully let go of other (important) things. That feeling of making up for lost time is real--we did lose time that might have been spent on our art or writing (or any number of other things) to raising our kids. To try to make up for that loss doesn't mean we didn't want our children. It's just an acknowledgment of the sacrifice, and evidence of a continued desire for life outside of parenthood.
Motherhood, for me, showed me I was capable of so much more than I ever thought possible. As the primary caretaker and the one who carried the "mental load" (a term I could have used to describe my experience), I neglected myself and even my marriage for a couple of decades. Despite the fact that nothing has ever (or will ever) bring me as much joy and satisfaction as mothering, resentment built toward my spouse, revealing itself in my early 50's. But what I had to finally admit was that I also took satisfaction in this arrangement, the righteous anger, that I wanted to be in control, the parent who could claim the role of "primary."
I relate to so much of this, Rachel.
I, too, have difficulty sitting still or “doing nothing.” My three children are young adults now, so my time is more my own, but often I feel like I am making up for “lost” time in that I gave so much to parenting. My children were very much wanted, so how do I construe that time as lost? Thanks for this.
Every time we make a choice to say yes to something, we also say no to other things. I think this is the root of that feeling--as parents, we have to say no to a lot of things to prioritize our kids, but we likely hope not to say no forever, or even to fully let go of other (important) things. That feeling of making up for lost time is real--we did lose time that might have been spent on our art or writing (or any number of other things) to raising our kids. To try to make up for that loss doesn't mean we didn't want our children. It's just an acknowledgment of the sacrifice, and evidence of a continued desire for life outside of parenthood.
I never knew about the Susanna Wesley story, I assumed I was named after someone in the Bible like everyone else in the family.